One of the things I fear most in life is change. Because it always comes in two possible ways—positive and negative. This always scares me because change is constant and one of the two will surely happen.
Oftentimes I hear husbands say, “Their wives have changed,” and I hear wives say, “Their husbands have changed.” They never expected them to change. It’s a mistake not to accept that change won’t come in one of these two ways. We’re all going to change. Either from negative to positive or from positive to negative.
And this is why I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I might change from positive to negative while hopeful that I might change from negative to positive. In order to achieve positive change, one needs to struggle and wrestle with oneself and other distractions. This is hard work. It doesn’t come easily. It’s everyday thing. The same way negative change is an everyday thing.
Change is a process. It’s scary. And it’s part of us. We won’t grow without change. So if you want positive change in your life, then be ready to pay the price which is—hard-work, consistency, patience, perseverance, and determination.
I hate it when people pretend to be strong, when they pretend to be perfect, when they pretend that they don’t love or hate something, and when they pretend that they don’t need other people. This is crazy! These people end up being depressed and clueless about their purpose in life.
What does it take to be human? To be human is to be vulnerable. To be human is to have empathy for others. To be human is to accept failure and defeat. To be human is to share your struggles and stories with others. To be human is to acknowledge that we’re all equal, that we all have fears, passions, desires, virtues and vices in us.
I wonder why people think this is selfishness. I had thought the same too for a while but I was wrong. I came to this realization after a lot of travel on the airplane. Every time I listen to the pre-flight safety instruction, my reaction is always the same (fear, anxiety and whatnot). But there’s something that got me thinking in the flight attendant’s instruction which is—put on your oxygen mask first before you help others (kids).
I kept asking myself, “why?” In my last travel, I came up with a succinct answer. Because if you run out of oxygen, you won’t be able to help others with their oxygen mask. This literally means that you can’t give what you don’t have.
This principle applies to our daily lives not only on airplanes. If you don’t take care of yourself very well, you won’t have the strength to take care of others. I’m not saying that you should lose empathy and be totally selfish, but my point is you can’t make a difference if you’re not changing yourself. When you’re alright, there are chances that others will be, too.
Don’t ignore yourself when you need help yourself. Just take care of yourself first. If you do this with the hope of helping others, then you’ll go places (make a difference and create change).
Growing up as a kid, I was bombarded with many “don’t” instructions:
Don’t answer any strangers.
Don’t stay outside for too long.
Don’t touch the T.V.
Don’t play a lot.
Don’t do this and that, and many other ridiculous don’ts.
I think all parents do this to their kids and of course, they have good intentions. They wanted to protect their kids from evil and also wanted them to behave well.
Sometimes these “don’t” instructions are mistakenly used as moral instructions. Yes, some of them are, but they’re two different things. The “don’t” instructions instill fear in kids not to dream, explore, and follow their guts and instincts. This is the number one reason why many people are still afraid to try, because they still have the “don’t” instructions boiling in their heads.
It’s extremely difficult to try something new no matter how simple it is, because of the unknown outcome. Fear (including people who have tried before, apparently they’re fear in disguise) will try to persuade you not to try because they’ve tried and failed.
Their stories/testimonies always come with this slogan “don’t try,” because if you do, you’ll join the league of failures and of course you don’t want that. No one wants/loves failure. So, this makes trying so difficult.
In spite of all this, some people still dare to try; they dare to take risk and turn their backs to the people who might want to blame them for failing. Because sometimes, the outcome of failure is blame.
The thing is; turning your back to the people who might want to blame you for failing is a good strategy to moving forward in life. Or better this way, if you’re not afraid of trying, of failing, then you shouldn’t be afraid of people who might want to blame you for your failures. You must have the courage to tell them that failure is part of human nature. If you don’t fail, you won’t grow and move forward in life.